I find myself sitting in the doctor’s (ahem, gyno’s) office and waiting out my time. In my personal experience, there is usually only one pregnant woman in the waiting room at most (maybe I’m there at an odd time). This visit, was a bit different. Not only were there multiple pregnant moms in the waiting room, there were a couple of moms with fresh newborn babies. The sweet, soft, fuzzy hair brand new fresh kind. The kind you can’t help but stare at. I had one of each sitting across from me; one with a fresh 6 week old and one 40 weeks pregnant with her first child. I listened in at the anticipation, the excitement, the wonderment of the new little human coming into each of their lives. It is truly is exciting. But all I could think was that mine are grown. Where did the time go. It seems like only a very short time ago, mine were that little. I want to so desperately interrupt that conversation and look each of those ladies in the eyes and tell them to savor each day; savor each moment because before they know it, they will wake up and those sweet, fresh babies will be moving out of their house. I wanted to tell them to love deeply. Take the time to rock, snuggle, and play at all costs. In the blink of an eye that babies bedroom will be empty and their hearts will ache. Sure, as kids grow and move out, motherhood just shifts, but for a season of time, it feels like it is stripped away from you completely. I was almost THAT lady. You know, the kind of “older” woman (God help me) that likes to randomly give you unsolicited advice? I listened just as long as I possibly could stand it, decided to let them have their excitement, and go sit outside.
6 months. It has been 6 months since our lives were turned upside down and inside out. It has been 6 months since I received the worst and most shocking call of my life and witnessed a moment in time that I hope no one will ever have to experience.
Today marks the 6 month point since my moms tragic car accident. It was a moment in our lives that we will never forget. As I look back on that time, especially the first two weeks, I remember mourning my mother’s death at least 15 times. Yes, I actually mourned her death, not just once but 15 times. Can you imagine? It was a yo-yo experience where we toggled between hope and hopelessness; between thinking she may make it and thinking we would lose her forever. I can’t describe in words what this emotional state truly felt like. It was the worst feeling that I had ever experienced in my entire life. No one has a picture of what mom looked like when Earl, dad and I walked into that hospital room for the first time on Friday, December 19, 2014. No one but the three of us saw her early on. I’ll be perfectly honest. It was simply too difficult to see. I will say this though. There are actually three pictures of what those early days looked like; not physical pictures but one picture etched into each of our brains (Earl, dad and me). It is a picture that is as real as any picture you can hold in your hand. I can tell you that this picture is with me all the time no matter where I go. I close my eyes and there it is. But the amazing miracle is that now I can open my eyes and see my sweet and beautiful mama standing right in front of me.
As I sit on this side of that 6 month point, I am in awe, completely wowed and forever grateful. This has been the hardest 6 months of our lives especially dad’s, but by God’s grace, His miraculous works and one answered prayer after another, we are on the road to recovery. Mom has gone through nearly 10 surgeries, 3 months of hospitalization, 6 rooms changes, 1 TB scare, 1 move home, 50 days of rehab (and counting), at least 30 doctor visits, lots of family and friend visits, many miracles and lots of love. As incredibly difficult as this has been, we have seen many blessings. Our family is closer than ever before and we’ve seen God work like never before. For the first time, we have a whole new (and correct) perspective on life. I truly believe that God is far from finished with mom (and dad for that matter). Look how far she’s come in 6 months! She truly is a living miracle! I cannot wait to see what the next 6 months will bring. There are big plans in store and feel incredibly blessed to be a small part of this bigger plan and even bigger story.
(This picture (taken earlier this week) depicts perfectly one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned the last 6 months. Take one day at at time. Live in the moment. Enjoy the moment. It’s all we are guaranteed. As mom shows it best, take time to stop and smell the roses.) Also, I have learned that my dad is a superhero! I don’t know where we would be without this amazing man.
P.S. A special thank you to those of you who have stuck by us through this journey in love, support and prayer. We wouldn’t be where we are today without you. We love each of you!
Sometimes you read something online and it really sticks with you. This happened to me recently. I read something on Instagram posted by the lovely @kaehope and it has stuck with me everyday since.
“Happiness – is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like & celebrating it for everything that it IS. A new goal I’ve set: to be contagiously happy. ”
This is so true and since I read this on Instagram, I’ve heard the same message in other ways…Bloom where you are planted. We are only given today so LIVE, I mean truly live for today. Enjoy your life right where you are. Celebrate your life for everything that it is.
These are pics from my weekend, just everyday life truly enjoying the moment; sewing, hanging with the hubs and kids, redecorating the house, crocheting, enjoying new shoes, loving our fat cat. Happy weekend, happy life.
I’m not one to make any New Year resolutions. One of two things typically happen; I either do not keep them at all or I go the opposite direction completely defeating the purpose of the resolution in the first place. However, I do believe in goals for a new year. There is a difference. To me, a resolution is a set acheivement that you reach and then you’re done. A goal is something that is an ongoing acheivement that you want to continue to meet over and over in order to better yourself and/or your life.
The reflection on 2013 involved me not only looking at all the great things that happened in the past year, it involved really digging deep to understand what my biggest hardships and challenges were as well. One thing I learned through all of this pondering was that many times your biggest challenges can also be your biggest wins. Typically God uses your biggest challenges to mold you into the person that He wants you to be and many times will make your biggest challenge a blessing.
Only recently, did I come to a conclusion on what my goals for 2014 should be after all of this reflection. Here they are.
- Be intentional about growing spiritually. This means setting aside the time to spend with God as well as continually reading and learning. I have already finished one book and have several more already on order.
- How happy you are in your life is all dependent upon your perspective. My goal is to focus on the positive, be joyful, pray throughout each day and give thanks in all circumstances. God has me where I am for a reason and fighting Him will only bring me distress. “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)
- I have a type A personality. I am also a strong big picture, planner. This means that I am wired to look toward the future. This is a good quality to have but it often keeps me in the future and doesn’t allow me to enjoy the present. My goal is to simply enjoy the day that I’m in; to live each day that I’m given to the very fullest.
- In the past 10 years I have considered myself to be a workout freak almost to the point of my own detriment. 2013 really changed things for me. I’m pretty sure that it’s due to the fact that I’m getting older but I simply just don’t want to do workouts that I don’t enjoy. I regularly lifted weights, but I quit doing cardio consistently this past summer. My goal this new year is to find cardio that I really enjoy doing and do it regularly. So far, this has been running on the beach. We’ll see how that goes and what other fitness items I may find along the way.