Today would have been your 84th birthday if you were still here on earth with us. They say that time heals. Maybe it does. I still just feel emptiness in my heart. I don’t think there’s a day that goes by that I don’t think about you. I miss the days when I could pick up the phone and say, “hey granny” and hear your voice on the other end reply, “hey bébé”.
I’m going to admit something here that haunts me everyday. It’s three simply words that continue to mull over in my mind…I didn’t call. You died in the midst of my mom’s tragedy. You were sick. I didn’t want you to know about mom because you would get upset and worry making your sickness all that much worse. So, what did I do? I didn’t call. I didn’t call because I wouldn’t know what to say when you asked about mom and dad. I didn’t call because I didn’t want you to get upset. In my heart, I thought I was doing the right thing. I know now that I was wrong. So what if you asked me about mom. I should have called. You needed to hear my voice in the midst of all that you were going through. For that, I am eternally sorry.
I love you with all my heart and miss you like crazy. Happy heavenly birthday, Granny!
PS – My deepest apologies for the heavy post. You can read the “One Year” tribute post HERE that is a bit on the brighter side.
My grandmother’s wedding ring. It signifies a 56 year successful marriage. I never get tired of looking at it. I wear it proudly and think of her every single day.
This weekend has been a bit tough emotionally. I found out that my grandparents house, the place where I grew up, is being sold (my grandmother passed away one year ago this month). I know it’s just a structure; just a building and I shouldn’t care, right? Well I do. I can’t help it. My entire childhood is wrapped up in that structure; on that property. My baby footprints are stamped in the foundation.
We went on vacation March of 2014 to visit Granny (you can read post HERE). Little did I know at the time, that would be the last time I would set foot in that house. It was the last time my Granny was well and able to live in the house by herself. She cooked and cooked and cooked. She was in here true element.
It’s so hard to think that I’ll never set foot in that house again, but maybe that’s for the best. I thought that I might want to go back and see it one last time, but being in that house without Granny means that it is just a structure. It is just a building because my Granny is what made the house my home.
One year ago today, I lost one of the most influential and monumental women in my life; my Granny. This amazing lady was not just a grandmother to me, she was a second mother. I was her girl; her “baby girl” to be specific. She called me this every single time we talked. You see, she had three boys, but always wanted a girl. Then I came along. This changed her world. I was special to her. My Granny loved me with a special kind of love that I’ve never experienced anywhere else and never will again. I could do no wrong in her eyes. We had such a special bond and it was irreplaceable. I had the special privilege of growing up next door to her and lived there my entire childhood. I spent just as much time at her house (or more) than I did my own. Her favorite story to tell was the day I “ran away” to her house with a paper bag filled with one pair of underwear, one shirt and one shoe. I think it made her feel so special that I wanted to be at her house rather than at my own.
My Granny taught me what hard work looks like by working in seafood factories, sewing factories and even working in my grandparents own seafood business where my Gramps caught blue crabs and she picked them to sell to restaurants. She taught me to never give up. My Granny did this manual, difficult work up until the day she got sick (and even afterwards at times). She taught me what true marriage looks like. Granny was married to my Gramps for 56 years. I will never forget the one line of advice that she gave me at her kitchen table (that’s where all the good conversations happened). She said that a successful marriage is made up of two things; compromise and selflessness. If you can do these two things, your marriage will last forever and she was right. My Granny taught me what true sacrifice looks like. She gave absolutely everything for her family. She never went to the doctor or took care of herself in order to focus on everyone else. Granny served her husband and took care of him and the entire family. She was the glue that held everything together at home.
There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of my Granny and miss her dearly. There is a hole and emptiness that will never be filled but I do have the memories, joy and the incredible influence that she had on my life. She will truly live on forever in my heart.
After being gone nearly a month to California, my kids are home. The hubs and I had nice quality time alone but, it is great to have them back where they belong. Our family is whole again.
As a bonus, my parents flew back with them to close on their retirement home here in Florida! I am so excited for them and excited that they will live nearby soon. Check back for more details on this in the near future.
The in-laws flew in for a weekend visit so we decided to take them to our favorite beach park. We fished, read, played frisbee, laid in the hammock, sat by the water, looked at the fish and simply enjoyed each others company. The sun was out and there was a cool breeze; perfect weather. We stayed for hours. It was incredibly peaceful. Well, besides my son freaking out over not catching any fish but that’s another story. We spent the day soaking in nature and enjoying family; my favorite.